Why Just Avoiding Your Unwanted Sexual Behaviors Doesn’t Work – and What You Should Do Instead

If you’re a man trying to stop pornography or unwanted sexual behaviors, you may feel like the answer is willpower…” Just stop going to that.”  

And while self-control matters, there’s a problem with making willpower and just stopping the whole plan.

Because if recovery is only about saying “no,” you’re left with a big question:

What are you saying “yes” to instead?

If Group Therapy Sounds Terrifying, You’re Not Alone

If you’re a man who’s been struggling with pornography or unwanted sexual behaviors, and you’ve heard about group therapy (or someone has encouraged you to try out group therapy), there’s a good chance you’ve thought something like:

“I know I need help… but there is no way I’m talking about this in front of other people.”

That reaction makes complete sense.

Individual Therapy vs. Group Therapy: You Don’t Have to Choose “One or the Other”

If you’ve ever thought, “Individual therapy is probably better than group therapy,” you’re not alone. A lot of people assume group therapy is not as effective as individual work. 

But in my experience working with men struggling with pornography and unwanted sexual behaviors, group therapy is a crucial part of recovery. Not because it replaces individual therapy (which I deeply believe in), but because it offers something many men are missing: safe community.

Why You Should Change Your Perspective on Recovery

When you think about what you need to do to recover from pornography or sexual addiction, what pops into your head? Does doing what is required in recovery feel like a chore, or more like a chance to create the life you actually want? Are you doing it because you “have to,” or because you want it for yourself? How you answer that can totally change your experience. Your mindset shapes how recovery feels—and what you get out of it.

Starting therapy can feel overwhelming, but knowing what to expect can ease the process. In this post, I share what your first counseling session may look like, how long therapy typically lasts, and questions you can ask to feel more prepared and confident.

Looking for a therapist but not sure where to start? This guide explains the differences between therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists, and shares practical tips for choosing the right fit — whether in-person or online.